Winter Can Be Enjoyable

As we roll into the winter months, fitness can be more and more difficult to stay on top of. To help avoid the “Utah winter hibernation” I want to give 4 tips that have helped me to take control of the bleak Utah winters and be able to maintain my fitness lifestyle!  

 

 

  1. Make time for exercise. The most difficult thing about transitioning from summer to winter is planning. During the summer it can be easy to be active just be default. We can ride our bike, go for a walk, and participate with friends and family in outdoor activities without thinking twice about it. During the winter, these activities are not anywhere near as easy to do, if possible at all. So it requires planning to attend a fitness class, go to the gym, etc. So be sure and plan your workout and make it a priority. 
  2. Find a friend to workout with. We all know how hard it can be to get a fitness routine going in the winter. When it is cold outside the thought of leaving our warm bed and going to work out is less than desirable. Finding a friend that has similar fitness goals will help keep you motivated and accountable! Another substitute for this is hiring a personal trainer, even just initially, to help develop those habits.  
  3. Find a new winter hobby. During summer, it can be easy to get a quick workout in by just stepping outside and going for a walk. The cold brings unique opportunities to try something new! I personally love snowboarding, and it provides a great workout. Other things you might try is joining an indoor sports league, fitness classes at a local gym, indoor cycling, etc.  
  4. Be safe. In applying these tips, be sure that you have the right equipment and proper dress attire. One problem that I see, in the winter time is that people don’t dress adequately for winter sports and this can cause physiological problems. For example when running outdoors it is crucial to warm up properly, if we begin a jog by jumping right into it, the cold air can cause our respiratory tract to constrict, decreasing our flow of oxygen when our body needs it. This can lead to lightheadedness, dizziness, nausea, hypothermia, and other problems. If you are unsure on what might be needed, ask an expert. 

 Winter can be an excellent time for fitness goals if combated properly! I would love to hear about the fun winter experiences that you have and any new winter activities that you find. You can reach out to me with these experiences and any questions you might have on instagram @trainerkelli or on Facebook! Have fun and be safe!  

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness Magazine

Discovering You Have ADHD as an Adult

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is not just a childhood disorder. As a neurodevelopmental disorder, ADHD is usually identified in childhood, but several individuals reach adulthood without being accurately identified as having the condition. An estimated 8 million adults in the United States suffer from ADHD. In many of these cases, it is attention, rather than hyperactivity, which is the primary problem; this form of the disorder, formerly called “ADD,” is one of the more common types of ADHD in adults.  

 Missing ADHD in Childhood 

While all adults who meet criteria for ADHD will always manifest some form of significant symptoms in childhood, the level of impact of these symptoms can be quite variable. Several children do not manifest the hyperactive or impulsive symptoms sometimes associated with the condition. Their behavior in the classroom and at home may not be entirely problematic. Instead of being disruptive, talkative, or irresponsible, they may only appear forgetful or flighty. Some children learn how to hide their distractibility or compensate for attention concerns. They may be embarrassed by their limitations, but may be motivated to keep up appearances. Some children are able to compensate for attention concerns with high intelligence, perseverance, flexibility, creativity, and other strengths. Many children might have difficulty understanding their symptoms. They might lack insight into whether there is a problem. They might not verbalize their symptoms in a way which would impel an adult to seek a consultation. 

Because of these reasons, the full impact of ADHD-related symptoms in a child may not be obvious to others. When parents or teachers do not see that there could be a problem, it is unlikely that the child will be referred for an assessment. Even more obvious cases are not always given the opportunity to be assessed for ADHD. Some parents may believe that there is a problem, but may be hesitant to access mental health services. 

 Noticing the Impact of ADHD 

As academic demands, work demands, and household responsibilities increase in adulthood, problems with attention can become more noticeable and more frustrating. Some adults may question whether they themselves have a problem as they see their siblings or their own children struggle with symptoms of the disorder. Many of the risk factors for ADHD, after all, are genetic factors. Adults who previously felt like they had effectively covered up their attention problems may sense that their coping mechanisms are losing their effectiveness.   

How ADHD can be Identified 

For adults who believe their own attention problems may have flown under the radar, there is a way to determine whether ADHD is present. Self-report questionnaires, used to compare an individual’s symptoms to hundreds or thousands of other individuals, can be helpful in providing information about the problem, but these are just one aspect of a comprehensive evaluation. An individual’s developmental history is important and this is usually obtained through a comprehensive interview with a psychologist, psychiatrist, or other qualified mental health provider. Computerized tests and performance-based tests can also help to assess the full extent of the problem. 

Sometimes attention problems can be due to normal forgetfulness. Sometimes these problems can be directly caused by depression or anxiety. Sleep problems and other medical problems can also negatively influence attention. Not everything that looks like ADHD is ADHD. Participating in a psychological assessment with a qualified provider can be an effective way to know the difference. Understanding the cause of symptoms is the first step in finding ways to improve.  

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness Magazine

CCD Smiles: One in a million

I am the only one in my family with CCD (Cleidocranial Dysplasia), which was a random mutation. Having CCD influenced my studies and career choices. I have always been fascinated by the body, genetics, and helping others with physical or emotional health problems. I started my career as an emergency room registered nurse. I did my Master’s thesis on CCD and then went on to obtain a Doctorate in Nursing Practice (DNP) degree. I have been a nurse practitioner for the past 14 years, working in family medicine and mental health. My background in medicine helps me better understand CCD. I want to share my experience and medical understanding with others.  

I was born in Reedley, California in 1975. When I was born, it was obvious to my parents and doctors that something was wrong. My body, mostly my head, was shaped differently than a “normal” baby’s. At 3 months of age, I was diagnosed with Cleidocranial Dysplasia. 

I grew up knowing I was different. The most difficult part of CCD was all the oral and facial surgeries. My baby teeth never fell out on their own, my permanent teeth didn’t grow in on their own, and I had several extra teeth which had to be surgically removed. Everything in my mouth had to be done manually. I started having oral surgeries at age 7 and I spent most of my Christmas, Spring, and Summer breaks undergoing surgery. My last major surgery was when I was 19 years old. 

 CCD dental treatment was not easily navigated. My dentists, orthodontists, and oral surgeons had never treated anyone with CCD. Everything they tried was experimental. 

Medical insurance and dental insurance did not cover the cost of my surgeries. Medical insurance considered my teeth problems to be dental. Dental insurance considered the surgeries cosmetic. My parents were paying for my surgeries until I was in college. 

When I was growing up, I didn’t know anyone with CCD. In 2001, technology helped me to connect with other people with CCD for the first time. I heard about other people’s experiences as I conducted phone interviews for my Master’s thesis “CCD: The lived experience.” Eight years ago, I met Steffani and her daughter Hally, who have CCD, for the very first time. 

 CCD Smiles 

I felt inspired to create a nonprofit organization to help others with CCD. I started working on the foundation in 2013. In 2016, Gaten Matarazzo’s dad contacted me. Together, we made CCD Smiles an official IRS approved nonprofit organization in January 2017. Since it’s official beginnings, we have had gatherings and fundraisers across the country. I have met 38 other people with CCD, which has been a tremendous blessing in my life.  

 Gaten Matarazzo, from the series Stranger Things, is a huge part of bringing awareness to CCD. As his popularity in Hollywood has grown, so has familiarity with CCD and CCD Smiles.  

CCD Smiles is still in its infancy, but you can go to www.ccdsmiles.org to learn more about us and watch us grow! Currently, the website is a place for donations, purchasing CCD swag and education about CCD. In the future, the website will be a place where those with CCD can connect, share pictures, exchange stories, and find hope. I want others to know they are not alone. It will also provide current and accurate medical information, written in plain English. Doctors, dentists, orthodontists, and surgeons can come together and discuss treatment, research, and options for their patients. 

As CCD Smiles grows and donations are made, we can help cover the costs of oral/facial surgeries. If insurance isn’t going to help, then we can. I don’t want the medical/dental expense to keep parents from being able to provide beautiful smiles for their children. 

My ultimate dream is coming true. July 13-15, 2018 will be the first national CCD conference in Salt Lake City.  Watch the website for more information. If anyone is interested in donating time, money, or talents to this event, please email me at kellywosnik@ccdsmiles.org. 

CCD Smiles Mission Statement: We bring global awareness, provide assistance for dental care, and support research to improve outcomes and quality of life for individuals with cleidocranial dysplasia. 

CCD Smiles can be found in the media and on social media— Instagram, Facebook and Twitter (@ccd_smiles, #ccdsmiles) 

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness Magazine

Now That My Teen Has Come Out – WHAT DO I DO NOW?

Ive told my son that nothing changes, that I still love him, but I expect him to live the same standards as the rest of the family, and yet he seems more and more depressed. Why isnt this working? 

I dont want my daughters ideas about being lesbian to influence the younger kids in the family, so Ive told her not to talk about it at home. 

I think if my son is going to wear makeup, hes going to get made fun of at school. I cant stop that. 

In the September/October issue of Utah Valley Health and Wellness, I talked about parental self-care. It’s important for parents to have people to talk with who understand and don’t blame them for what they are feeling and experiencing. In the July/August issue, I talked about how to keep lines of communication open when a child “comes out” as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, etc.  In this issue, we’re going to talk about how to keep you and your teen connected. 

Some families consider that their main responsibility to a child that comes out is to continue to teach truths about sexuality and gender, and to make sure their teen does not misunderstand or ignore these teachings. In my experience with hundreds of teens from good homes, this emphasis generally results in a disconnection that makes communication feel tense and difficult. Because teens need a good relationship with parents in order to navigate the experiences of being a healthy teen, I recommend that parents: 

  1. Consider that your child may not be choosing to rebel against your teachings and beliefs as they learn new things about themselves and want to share them with you. 
  2. Recognize that your child knows where you stand with regard to teachings about sexuality and gender. 
  3. Learn to be open to hearing from your child what internalizing these ideas has been like (both recently and in the past). 
  4. Find out what your child’s hopes and dreams for themselves are, and how they may be changing. 
  5. Show respect for your child, especially as your child’s experiences are different from yours. 

These five things will make a dramatic difference in your child’s interest in re-opening a relationship with you. The most important thing is that you – as a parent – remain a steadfast connection with the world of respectful and loving relationship with your child. Children who do well – that is – avoid risky sex, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and suicidal behaviors – have parents who show respect for their childrens sense of what is true about them. (For details about the retrospective studies of families who demonstrate accepting and rejecting behaviors and the outcomes for teens, see http://familyproject.sfsu.edu/) 

If you want help navigating how to support your teen while making sure they are safe and mentally healthy (especially if identifying as a gender or sexual minority goes against your beliefs), you may want to:  

  1. Meet with other parents who have found peace in this journey ( the last issue listed several groups that meet in Utah County) 
  2. Meet with a therapist who can help you and your teen navigate issues of safety and mental health. 

Many families have found their way through this journey with greater love and appreciation for each other and for their relationships, which strengthens everyone, including parents and the younger children in the family. 

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness Magazine

 

Sport Climbing in Utah County

If you want to get into sport climbing, Utah County is the place. Between American Fork Canyon and Rock Canyon you have two world-class climbing areas that have a large range of climbs, from beginner to some of the hardest in the world. Rock Canyon alone has over 400 climbs. If you include American Fork Canyon and other climbing areas in Utah County, you have over 1000 climbs to choose from. You could spend a lifetime just trying to climb everything in Utah County! 

What is sport climbing?  

Let me answer that by explaining there are two major types of rock climbing: sport climbing and trad climbing (traditional climbing). Sport climbing is a style of rock climbing that relies on permanent anchors fixed to the rock for protection, usually drilled and glued bolts and anchors. Trad climbing is a style of rock climbing in which a climber (or group of climbers) will place all gear required to protect against falls, and then remove it when a passage is complete. Sport climbing has a cheaper cost of entry and takes less time to get out and climb. It’s a great alternative to hitting the gym, if you do it 2 to 3 times a week. Can you say full body workout?! 

How is sport climbing classified?  

The rating (degree of difficulty) or grade of climb is designated by a class number. A class five climb would require the use of rope, belaying, and gear to protect the climber from a fall. Fifth class is further classified by a decimal and letter system, increasing in difficulty as the number gets larger. The degree of difficulty can be broken up from 5.0 – 5.7 for beginners. Most anyone can start at these ratings and have a good time. 5.8 – 5.9 is where most weekend climbers become comfortable; they employ the specific skills of climbing, such as jamming, liebacks, and mantels. (If you get into the sport you’ll learn these terms pretty quickly.) At 5.10 you have to be a pretty dedicated weekend climber. 5.11-5.15 is in the realm of experts/pros; it demands dedicated training and natural ability, not to mention a crazy obsession for the sport. 

 What kind of gear do I need to sport climb?  

At a minimum, you’ll need climbing shoes, chalk bag, harness, belay device, a rope and 8-10 quickdraw. You will also want the app MtnProject. It’s a great way to find the climbs and get beta (information) about the climb. Two local shops where you can obtain gear, beta, and lessons are Mountain Works in Provo and Out N Back in Orem. 

 Which climbing area should I choose?  

Both American Fork Canyon and Rock Canyon have beginner climbs, but the bulk of the beginners start in Rock Canyon. The climbs are shorter and you can top rope them to test your chops for the sport. Some great beginner areas lower down in Rock Canyon are Tinker Toys and The Appendage. Further up the canyon is The Wild—hands down the best crag for beginners. For intermediate and advanced climbers there are climbs ranging from 5.10 to 5.13 all along the canyon. Some of my favorites are Black Rose, Bug Barn Dance Wall, and The Zoo. 

 American Fork Canyon is known for lots of overhanging “juggy” (pockets) and harder climbs that get you pumped super fast. Some standout areas are The Membrane, Division Wall and Escape Buttress. For some of the hardest climbs, checkout Hell Cave, with a mind blowing 5.14. People come from all over the world to climb this canyon. It’s hard to go wrong with either canyon. Get out there and give it a go! 

 

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness Magazine 

Mental Health Benefits of Exercise

You might exercise to improve your physical health and appearance, but did you also know that exercise has serious benefits for your mental health and relationships? It can lead to a healthier and happier life. I ran on the cross country and track team at BYU and as an avid runner and someone who has suffered from postpartum depression, I have reaped the benefits from running for nearly two decades. Running helped me tremendously throughout college, as a young mother, and in my professional life. 

Reduce Stress 

One of the most common mental health benefits of exercise is stress relief. Working out can help you manage physical and mental stress. Exercise also increases amounts of norepinephrine, which moderates your brain’s response to stress. So, working out will reduce stress and increase your body’s ability to deal with existing psychological stress. 

Boosting Happy Chemicals 

Another common mental health benefit to exercise is its increase of endorphins in the brain, which create feelings of happiness and euphoria. Studies have shown that exercise can alleviate symptoms among clinically depressed persons. In some cases, exercise can be as effective as antidepressant medication in treating depression. Just 30 minutes a few times a week can instantly boost your mood.  

Improve Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem 

Consistent exercise leads to improved levels of fitness. Physical fitness can boost your self-esteem and improve your self-image. Regardless of your weight, size, gender or age, exercise can improve your perception of your own attractiveness and self-worth. A study of adolescent girls found that running was linked to their greater self-esteem. Girls who could run more laps at a faster pace reportedly exhibited higher levels of self-esteem. In additional studies, overweight kids who participated in vigorous aerobic exercise such as running experience an elevation in self-esteem levels.  

Alleviate Anxiety 

Running and other forms of vigorous exercise can reduce your anxiety and help you relax. The chemicals released during and after exercise can help you calm down. Also, engaging in some moderate-to-high intensity aerobic exercise (HIIT/intervals) can reduce anxiety sensitivity.  

Help Manage Addiction 

The brain releases a chemical called dopamine in response to any form of pleasure whether it’s from exercise, sex, drugs, alcohol, food, or shopping. On a positive note, exercise can help in addiction recovery. Short exercise bouts can effectively distract drug or alcohol addicts causing them to de-prioritize cravings in the short-term. Alcohol abuse disrupts many body processes, including circadian rhythms. Thus, alcoholics find that they can’t fall asleep or stay asleep without drinking. Exercise helps reboot your body’s clock and helps you go to sleep at normal time. This leads to better sleep quality. A study from Vanderbilt University found that heavy marijuana users experienced a marked decline in both cravings and daily use after a few sessions of running on a treadmill. Several other studies found that running reduces cravings for other drugs including cocaine, meth, nicotine, and alcohol.  

Food can be an addiction when taken to extremes and exercise can help manage food cravings as well. Studies show that after one hour of fast running, participants were more likely to choose healthy foods such as fruits and vegetables over junk food.   

Helps the Brain Heal from Substance Abuse 

Amazingly, studies have found that exercise can help your brain heal from substance abuse even when the drug is as potent as meth. Meth decreases your brain’s production of dopamine and serotonin and burns out their receptors so it is harder for the brain to use dopamine and serotonin. Running helps to re-normalize the function of these two key neurotransmitters, and increases their production.  

Although exercise may not completely protect you from mental distress or illness, it definitely has positive effects beyond the gym. Furthermore, the benefits available to you through regular, consistent exercise go beyond your mental and physical health. When you feel better it affects other aspects of your life such as your relationships with family, friends, and co-workers. Improved mental health can lead to improved relationships and a healthier and happier life.  

 

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness Magazine

 

Intimacy: The Missing Piece.

Have you noticed it? Something in your relationship seems to be missing; waning with time. You are happy, you and your partner seem to be working well together, but something is missing. Or perhaps you are not happy, you and your partner seem to be fighting more than not, and there is just something amiss. You can’t seem to put your finger on it.  

Intimacy 

It is a possibility that the something missing in your relationship is intimacy. Before discounting this as nonsensical because your sex life is fine, take a look at what intimacy is. Dictionary.com defines intimacy as “a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving relationship with another person or group.” Pay particular attention to the words close and familiar. How close or familiar are you with your partner in areas such as their work life? Their hobbies and interests? Their emotions? Their aspirations?  

Becoming close and familiar or intimate with your partner in various areas of life will bind you tight and keep you together through the throes that life would put you through. Building intimacy will fortify and strengthen your relationship.  

Types of Intimacy 

Physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and leisure are all areas that come to mind when speaking of intimacy. When was the last time you grabbed your partner’s hand to reassure them that you are there? What are your partner’s intellectual interests? Can you talk about them or show interest in them? Have you shared something with your partner that struck you spiritually? Would you feel awkward doing so?  

Just like investments, diversifying your intimacy will make your relationship more resilient in a slump or a recession. Building new levels of intimacy in new areas may be what your relationship needs. 

Building Intimacy 

In our world, things that are not cared for, tended, and kept up will erode over time. It is the natural order of things. This is also true of intimacy. If intimacy is not cared for, cultivated, and kept up regularly then it will naturally erode, and you may find yourself feeling distant from your partner and not knowing why. This is part of the experience of couples “falling out of love”; they haven’t cultivated connection and familiarity.  

As a couple you have the power to keep this from being your story and/or the power to bring that part of your relationship back. Intentionality is what will help you change patterns from erosion to firing on all cylinders and being a thing of beauty. Be intentional about becoming close and familiar with your partner in the many areas of their life.  

Sometimes it may feel like you just don’t care about what happened at work or what project your partner wants to work on next. If you can be intentional about showing interest anyway and showing some curiosity about their interests, their hobbies, their work life; you will find yourself feeling closer to your partner. You will be more connected. You will bind yourself to your partner emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and in any other area of your lives that you find will build intimacy.  

Taking Action 

Have you noticed it? Is there a distance between you and your partner? Does it seem like something is missing? Make the move, be intentional. Go with your partner on their walk. Set up a date that isn’t the usual thing you do together. Take fifteen minutes after getting home and find out about your partner’s day. Meditate with your partner and talk about the experience. Talk with your partner about how you want to build intimacy; intimacy that will keep you close and together through thick and thin.  

 

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness Magazine

 

Lessons Learned from a Utah Running Legend

We were training for another race – a 50 mile Ultra Marathon. I, Triston, was slated as a pacer for only 17 miles of the 50, but Tavin was signed up for all of it! Our run that Saturday morning felt like any other run we had done up Provo Canyon – until we met Ed. As we made our way up from the mouth of the canyon to the top of the hill, we saw a man jogging with his dog and we exchanged waves. He seemed happy to be running. After another mile, we rounded a corner and saw the same dog running in the opposite direction with his leash wrapped around his body and legs and this same man standing, holding his forearm up to take a look while picking out the dirt and wiping off the blood. We stopped and said hello, and he mentioned that he had just taken a fall. Haven’t we all! We ran with this man, Ed, for the next several miles, our dogs, Moose and Gus, running circles around us.  

As we got to know each other, we learned that Ed coached track and cross country at BYU where he also ran as a student-athlete back in the 1980s. Later, we looked up his bio online and wow, it is amazing! This is a man who was an NCAA champion, an All-American runner at BYU, an Olympic runner and a decorated coach at BYU. He’s a legend! 

I had a chance to sit down with Coach Eyestone after our initial run-in and ask some questions about his experiences and advice as a runner. 

Ed mentioned that working with his student-athletes is something that he gets excited about. “When you have someone who you believe can do something and together map out a plan and see them execute it and surprise the vast majority of the pundits…these are some of the golden moments of coaching.” 

He mentioned his coaching and personal relationship with Jared Ward who finished 6th in the Rio Olympic Marathon and moments like “Rory Linkletter at the NCAA championships last year…and even…the smaller moments when someone makes it to the regional meet who didn’t think they had a chance to make it.” He spoke about his athletes, trials they have faced and the effort they put in. It was impressive to hear.  

Looking for advice, I asked him if I should be trying to run on the front of my feet because I tend to shuffle and drag my heels. His advice for all runners is “Your body chooses what works. It’s hard to maintain something that isn’t natural for your body. Get out and move. Let your body choose what it naturally does. The more fit you become, you will find your true stride.” 

He added, “Men and women are made for movement – there is something emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually good about movement. The mind-body connection is aided when we get in contact with our physical side. We don’t have to be an Olympic athlete or an NCAA champion to enjoy the benefits of this, but if we can get off the couch and into the game of life, good things can happen.” 

We learned many things from Coach Eyestone through our run together and in that meeting, and were also reminded that when you fall, you get back up. With his college and professional running career behind him, Ed is still out on the trail running and logging miles. We imagine that he will be for years to come and that when he falls, he will keep getting back up – so will we! 

 

Coaching Corner – Ed Eyestone 

New Runners 

  • Be goal oriented 
  • Choose a race to train for 
  • Don’t be nervous about running in a race – you aren’t the only new one out there 

Running Shoes  

  • Start with a neutral shoe (lighter to medium weight, not overbuilt) 
  • Use the local running store employees to help you choose a shoe 
  • Buy a few pairs of shoes that work for you and rotate running in them 
  • Don’t be stuck to one brand – use multiple ones if they fit for you  

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness Magazine

 

More2Life: The Kalani Sitake Foundation

We all know who BYU Head Coach Kalani Sitake is – the bruising BYU running back who played for Lavell Edwards and later was a long-time assistant coach for the University of Utah and Oregon State University. Since he has become BYU’s Head Football Coach, he has begun to change the culture of the program – with an emphasis on helping his team and Cougar Nation feel like a family.  

We’ve been BYU football fans since we were little kids. Coach Lavell Edwards, Steve Young and Ty Detmer were all legends that we looked up to. So when we had the chance to go the BYU football offices to meet with Coach Kalani Sitake, walking past memorabilia, posters and gear, we have to admit, we were pretty starstruck. 

We’d never been in a football coach’s office before – let alone BYU’s Head Football Coach. As we waited for Coach Sitake, we met several assistant football coaches and saw young football recruits walking down the hallway. From around the corner, we heard Coach Ty Detmer’s unmistakable Texas drawl as he was showing them around. Before he could turn the corner, we were called in to Coach Sitake’s office. Guess we’ll have to wait until next time for that photo op! We were nervous, but Coach Sitake’s calm demeanor and attitude helped put us at ease and we instantly felt like members of the BYU football family.  

While we met, Kalani shared with us what motivates him as a football coach; that one of his purposes is to help shape his young athletes to serve others and help them think about more than just themselves. Coach Sitake was open about how this desire led him to start something to accomplish this–the More2Life Foundation. 

A few years after his parents’ divorce, at an elementary school assembly put on by BYU athletes, Kalani was deeply affected by the kindness of a BYU player. “He sought me out and asked me my name. He embraced me and it was beautiful.” That moment was monumental. “I felt I had a purpose. It changed my life. I was already a BYU fan, but now I was going to die a BYU fan…that experience has impacted me for 30 years.” 

“The whole purpose of our mortal life is to help encourage others and to serve…with an intent to help young people whether they are disadvantaged in any way, whether it be physical, mental or financial. Simply giving people money isn’t enough… give them motivation and help them find passion. For us in our football program, there are two sides of it. Service brings the best out of people. When I was younger and growing up, helping others brought me a lot of joy. In college things tend to get selfish. In football, you’re worried about fitness – losing and gaining weight. We have a lot of missionaries who are just returning home who play football and utilize the platform we have. It is an obligation for us to help others. Our players are consistently serving others.”  

Kalani expressed a desire to see this type of service-oriented program start at every major sports program across the country and hopes to get other football coaches on board. Kalani emphasized, “what good we could do if all programs were able to do something like this.” 

One of the main initiatives of the More2Life Foundation is to inspire others to serve. Kalani often does this through events like recent visits to underprivileged children in Harlem and LA. There, they held activities to help children and coaches through lessons about life, competition, goal-setting and of course some football too. Kalani feels “the big events get a lot of attention. We hold events every month that maintain a lot of momentum and it’s not limited to just football. What if the BYU football team shows up to a service project? That would have been huge for me as kid. I would have gone to do it.” So would we! 

The True Blue Hero program, another More2Life initiative, partners with BYU football to honor children who are overcoming significant challenges at one of the weekly football practices. One of our colleague’s nieces was a recipient of this program before one of the games last year.  

“We are hoping to motivate others to serve,” Kalani stated, “Even though we put on football clinics – it’s not just limited to football. During these clinics, we also emphasize service projects and important life skills, such as making care kits for others and setting personal goals. We’ve received great feedback.” 

We asked Kalani how people can support the More2Life Foundation. ”Time!” he responded. “If people want to donate money, they can. It helped us take 32 players to Harlem and 34 players to LA. But donating is not just about money. Some people may not be able to donate money, but they can donate their time to help. Some have donated a few hours a week to organize. It’s not money that makes things run, it’s people.” 

“During the foundation’s first year, I’ve been impressed with our players. It’s humbling for them to see the effect they have on these kids. Some of our players haven’t served LDS missions, but they’ve been able to catch the vision of service.” 

“I don’t know how many wins this will get us, but I’m not really worried about that. The name of the foundation is that there is ‘More 2 Life’ than just football. I’d like to think you can win games through more than just x’s and o’s and working out.” Kalani states that if you serve together as a team and as a family, that is a victory in itself.  

“Get out and serve,” he advises, “Help others to not focus on their own issues by serving and by seeing that their worth is valued by other people and that it has a lot to do with giving their time and energy.” 

Let’s follow Coach Sitake’s counsel and go out and serve others. 

To read more about Coach Kalani Sitake’s More2Life Foundation, visit the website at www.coachkalani.com 

Phil and Triston are owners of the Center for Couples and Families in American Fork, Provo and Spanish Fork and provide marriage and family therapy to clients.  

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness Magazine

 

Every Day is a Bonus Day: How a terminal cancer patient is inspiring others to live

My name is Melanie Day. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013, just a few weeks after I found out I was pregnant with my third child. I endured chemo, surgery, and too many ER visits, all while pregnant. I eventually gave birth to a healthy baby boy, and then continued more chemo, radiation, and surgeries. After a year and a half of treatment, I had my first clear scan and was so excited to be moving on with my life, free of cancer. However, in 2015, they found cancer in my bones and I was given five years to live.

My perspective on life completely changed. Suddenly, I wanted to do all those things I said I’d do someday. I wanted to go on that Mediterranean cruise with my husband. I wanted to be more forgiving and stop judging others. I wanted to speak more freely and openly. I wanted to make sure that people knew how I really felt, and that they knew that I loved them. I wanted to stop saving my money and instead spend it on making memories with my loved ones. I wanted to stop worrying about what I looked like or what others thought of me. I wanted to instead build people up, make them happy and excited about life. I wanted to learn to enjoy the chaos of a toddler house and to stop obsessing with having a perfectly clean house. I knew I had to make a lot of changes. And I was grateful that cancer was teaching me to wake up!

I’ve always been the person who saved all my pennies and never splurged on anything. I’ve said no to so many adventures because I wanted to save my money instead, or I didn’t think I had the time, or some other excuse like that. But cancer has shown me how important it is to make the most out of life NOW. Making memories with my family and to no longer delay my dreams are top priorities for me now. My family and I have made an effort to go on adventures this past year to cross off my bucket list items. We spent Christmas making memories at a mountain resort instead of buying our kids presents. I skied in Tahoe for a weekend with the Send It Foundation. We took the kids to Disneyland for a magical week, thanks to some generous friends. In February, the BYU and Duke basketball coaches surprised me with the number one item on my bucket list. They got us tickets to the UNC at Duke men’s basketball game, my ultimate sports fantasy. In April, I spent two weeks in New Zealand playing in the World Masters Games with my former college teammates. Just last week, we witnessed thousands of lanterns in the sky at the Lantern Fest in Salt Lake City. A nonprofit organization called Inheritance of Hope is hosting us this next week in Florida at Disneyworld, Universal Studios, and Sea World. After that, we will be in Lake Tahoe for a family reunion. I plan on going to Hawaii in November, Europe the next two years, and NYC in the fall of 2018. I’m sure more opportunities for adventure will arise and we will seize them. I’ve said “no” to so many of these opportunities in the past, so going forward, I’ll mostly be saying, “yes.”

Although this terminal diagnosis drove me into depression and anxiety of my unavoidable death, I eventually realized the importance of sharing my story so that I could help others. That is now my life’s mission. I want to help others see what I see, without having a terminal disease. I want people to ponder their own death and let that motivate them to live their life how they want to NOW instead of waiting until it’s too late. I want people to realize that every day is a bonus day.

 

Originally published on Utah Valley Health and Wellness Magazine

Written by Melanie Day