PTSD and Trauma

 

I specialize in treating individuals and couples affected by trauma and PTSD. For trauma survivors, I utilize the systemic approaches of internal family systems and emotion-focused therapy, which focus on strengthening attachment that exists both outside and inside of the self. I also use play therapy when treating children and young adolescents who have experienced trauma. 

Trauma often feels like such a broad term because of the wide array of situations that it can include. Traumatic events may be physical, sexual, emotional, or life-threatening in nature. They also include experiences that are both direct and indirect, such as witnessing loss, injury, or more in the lives of others. Whatever your experience may be, my focus for treatment in therapy will always be to create an environment of safety, trust, and compassion in order to empower your ability to be vulnerable and find refuge from the challenges that prevent happiness and security in your everyday life.

Research shows that play therapy increases the level of comfort and safety in the therapeutic environment and teaches children effective ways to manage their emotions and direct the energy behind those emotions in appropriate, safe ways. Additionally, play therapy empowers children and families to engage with one another through fun and compassion.

I believe that within every person exists multiple parts and pieces that make up the concept of the “self”. These parts are created and developed based upon the personal experience and context of your life. Some parts may appear to be more attractive or “better”, while others may inspire shame and hurt. However, the beauty of the therapeutic process comes through the knowledge that no part is “good” or “bad”. Instead, I view each part as being necessary to your growth and survival through the trauma that affects you. In this process, I will work with you to find peace and closure with your parts that contribute to the cycle of shame, pain, or sadness. 

Whatever your story may be, my hope for you is that you will know that there is always hope for a brighter, happier tomorrow, filled with support and love. I am ready to hear your story and provide the professional treatment to help you manage your burdens through tools and skills of resiliency and attachment.

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This article was provided by Hayden Gillies, therapist at the Center for Couples and Families.
Hayden works with individuals, couples, and families, and is currently taking new clients in our Orem office. 
To learn more and schedule an appointment, contact us at 801 477 0041, or via email at assistant@provofamilies.com. 

Therapist Spotlight: Hayden Gillies

Hayden Gillies received his Bachelors degree in Family Science from Utah Valley University in 2019. He is currently working to earn a Masters degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, also from Utah Valley University. He has worked with the Foundation for Family Life of Utah to oversee an addiction recovery program and has performed evaluative interviews and taught fatherhood classes at the Salt Lake County Jail.

Hayden is passionate about helping families, couples, and individuals. He believes that connection is vital to a healthy physical, social, and mental life, and he works hard to help his clients take necessary steps to achieve their goals. He is driven to help all those who may be struggling with anxiety, marital conflict, self-harm, and many other mental health and familial issues. Hayden is also highly familiar with challenges facing the LGBTQ+ community.
Hayden lives in Spanish Fork with his wife. In his free time, he enjoys singing, reading, and playing board games with his family.
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Hayden works with individuals, couples, and families, and is currently taking new clients in our Orem office. 
To learn more and schedule an appointment, contact us at 801 477 0041, or via email at assistant@provofamilies.com. 

Anxiety as Young Adults

Anxiety is a common struggle among many young adults. Between the stresses of school, work, dating, family relationships, thinking about the future, or other similar things it can seem impossible not to be anxious at times. With anxiety being highly treatable, there are many of things that you can do, even at home to help relieve the symptoms of anxiety. Understanding what is going on with your brain and body when you experience anxiety is an important first step in feeling relief.

 

When you are feeling anxious it is like your brain is setting off a fire alarm, telling the rest of your body that you are in danger. Even though you are likely not in danger your body, in this moment, reacts as if you were. While this fire alarm is going off in your brain you may experience sweaty hands, tense shoulders or neck, stomach wrenching, throat feeling closed off, chest pain, blood pumping faster, headaches, or tight muscles. It is helpful to realize and become aware of the physical symptoms you experience, as it can be difficult to realize when you are feeling anxious otherwise. Once you are able to recognize some of the symptoms, then you can try a technique to soothe your mind and body.

 

One of the quickest and easiest ways to relieve anxiety is deep breathing exercises. A great breathing exercise you can try is to simply take a deep breath in for a count of 4, then hold your breath for a count of 7, then breath out for a count of 8. (It is important to keep in mind that each person’s lung capacity is different, so adjust the counts as necessary.) Do as many sets of the breathing as necessary to start feeling calmer, but usually somewhere around 5-7 sets. If you still feel panicked and anxious, continue to do as many sets as you need to feel your body start to slow down.

 

Taking some deep breaths may seem too simple to actually help, after all anxiety can feel crippling at times. However, deep breathing has been proven over and over again to change your bodies’ physiological response to anxiety. When your body is under these moments of stress and panic, the sympathetic nervous system releases adrenaline and other chemicals which create all those symptoms mentioned earlier. Taking deep breaths activates the vagus nerve-one of the largest nerves in the body starting in the brain stem and extending down the neck all the way to the abdomen. The vagus nerve is responsible for mood regulation, heart rate, and digestion, so it is no wonder that by breathing and activating the vagus nerve it can make such a big difference in the way our bodies and minds feel.

 

The next time you find yourself becoming overwhelmed with life’s many tasks and stressors, take a moment, wherever you are, and take some deep breaths to invite your body and mind to relax and come back to the present moment. Although anxiety may feel overwhelming and like you are stuck, remember there is always a way out.

 

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This article was written by Hannah Grow, MFT Intern for the Center for Couples and Families.

Hannah is currently taking new clients at our Orem location.

To schedule an appointment, call us at 801 477 0041.

Therapist Spotlight- Hannah Grow

Hannah earned her bachelor’s degree in Behavioral Science from Utah Valley University. She is currently working on a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Utah Valley University. She is a certified Family Wellness Instructor and has taught education courses to teens and families to help improve relationships and life skills. She is currently working as an adjunct faculty in the Family Science department at Utah Valley University and loves it.
 
She is particularly passionate about working with couples experiencing infertility and communication problems, adolescents struggling with depression and anxiety, and young adults facing transitional issues.
Hannah enjoys yoga, snowboarding, hiking, camping, caring for her plants, organizing, and weightlifting.
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Hannah works with individuals, couples, and families, and is currently taking new clients in our Orem office. 
To learn more and schedule an appointment, contact us at 801 477 0041, or via email at assistant@provofamilies.com. 

Couples Therapy – Pornography Problems

Pornography use is on the rise and the age of first exposure is starting earlier and earlier. Research (Davis, Perry in 2017) has also found that breakups in romantic relationships are twice as more likely to happen 6 years down the road for those who use pornography compared to those who don’t. Others have found that sexual satisfaction levels are negatively impacted in couples when pornography is used (Willoughby, Brown, Busby, Carroll, Larson, Yorgason in 2017).

 

There is no question that pornography use negatively impacts individuals and relationships. But, what do you do about it? For many, counseling is seen as taboo or something they do not want to do. Some struggle with it because they do not want to face the issues in their marriage. Some come to therapy because they have been given an ultimatum. Others come because they think that a therapist can ‘fix’ them. It is difficult to get in for therapy, let alone getting in for an issue with pornography. Pornography issues are seen as a dirty, disgusting thing that you don’t talk about and don’t get help with – something that you can overcome on your own. The problem is that it is not something that people overcome on their own. They need help.

 

Couples therapy for those struggling with pornography use is different than you might imagine. It is not shamming or blaming. It takes into consideration everyone’s experiences and emotions. Counseling includes everyone rather than excludes someone. It doesn’t excuse behavior, but rather holds them accountable in an appropriate manner.

 

We recently moved to Orem. We offer professional, high quality counseling for couples in Orem, Utah and Utah Valley.

Trauma – Why You Matter When Your Loved One is Struggling

Understanding trauma can be difficult. What constitutes trauma is in the eye of the beholder. To some, breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend is traumatic while to others, it is not. To some getting in a serious car wreck is traumatic while to others it is not.

 

If you or your loved one has experienced trauma you might have a confusing experience. After experiencing trauma, survivors need others more than ever as they try to healing, however, their traumatic symptoms often alienate, isolate and take them away from loved ones. This can seem confusing to both them and their loved ones.

 

Not everyone knows how to express their need for others after they experience trauma. Also, not all loved ones know how to see past symptoms that seem to push them away. Knowing when to reach out to your loved one and when to give them space is important. Researches and therapists have found over the years that there is a great benefit for trauma survivors derived from strong family and marital support (i.e., Bessel van der Kolk’s ‘The Body Keeps a Score…’). In fact, the quality of an individual’s attachment to others is a critical factor in whether or not someone develops long-term traumatic issues instead of just short-term traumatic issues. Your family and spouse matter.

 

So how do you talk with them and connect? Simply start by talking with them. Instead of avoiding it because it seems to upset them, talk with them and let them know you are here for them. Even if you don’t talk about the events (in some cases its actually better to not talk with them yet about their traumatic event) you can let them know that you love them, support them, are here for them and want to continue to be here for them. Knowing that you are there for them helps them tremendously. Eventually, and sometimes only with the help of a counselor, they can come around and start to heal with you.

 

 

 

 

Welcome Tekulvē to CCF!

Tekulvē is joining the CCF team in Utah County. He brings with him 10 years of experience as a licensed marriage and family therapist. Check him out here.

Cleaning Out your Marriage Closet: Couples Counseling

People are often worried about drudging up the past with their loved ones. There is controversy as to what is healthy for the relationship. People certainly don’t like to bring up an old fight when everything is going well. The issue is that we all have a closet of sorts where we hide everything that “isn’t worth the fight.” At first this closet is empty and the intention of putting things in there is good, you intend to talk about it later, it’s just not the right time.

The problem is that you enjoy the times you’re not fighting, who wouldn’t! You soon forget about what you’re storing in the closet, and you continue to throw everything “not worth the fight” into the closet. Your closet becomes full, and when you try to fit one more thing in there everything topples over. This is the fight of all fights, this is when you seemingly “loose it” out of nowhere about nothing and everything. This fight happens at a time when something was already “not worth the fight” and you were trying to put it in the closet. Therefore, you are probably not up for resolving everything in that closet either. It’s like if your junk closet toppled over just as company is coming over, you’re going to scoop everything up and stuff it back into the closet because you don’t have time to sort through it. This fight leaves everyone upset and confused and often nothing is resolved in this fight.

So how does one clean out this closet? Well its much like spring cleaning, you are going to take everything out and you begin to sort everything into categories. You evaluate if it is something that only happened once and will never happen again, if this is the case it truly isn’t worth the fight and can be thrown out. If it is something that continues to happen you need to address it, you will be bringing up the past not as a weapon against the other person, but as a justification for bringing it up as an issue. It is absolutely necessary that cleaning this closet is done at a time when your calm and you remain calm to be able to assess what the core of the problem is, what does their behavior tell you about your relationship with them. For instance, If someone is always late, how does their behavior effect you, why does it feel disrespectful to you and how does it create distance in your relationship, what is the message you receive about their feelings toward you. As opposed to judging their behavior as something you wouldn’t do and lecturing them about how it affects them.

When you clean out the closet you are transferring responsibility to the people it will be useful with. You will find that the cleaner your closet becomes the more clarity you will have in your relationships. Your intent in cleaning out the closet is not to change other people’s behavior, it is meant to change your relationships. You will find that some people will choose to become more distant because they are unwilling to make changes, but the relationships that become closer and the internal peace will be worth the distance in others.

Written by Madison Price, MS, LAMFT – therapist at Holladay Center for Couples and Families

Shared originally by the Holladay Center for Couples and Families

Telling Your Kids About Divorce

Making the decision to divorce is hard enough when thinking about only the spouses involved, add kids to the mix and things get ten times more difficult. If you are going through a divorce, most likely you are concerned about how your decision to separate will affect your children, and how are you going to tell them? As parents we are constantly trying to protect our children from any pain and suffering, the reality is that the news of your parents’ divorcing, no matter how carefully delivered, is going to cause some kind of pain, hurt, or confusion in the eyes of your child.  Although you can’t control how you or your child will feel during this stressful time in your lives, you can make the choice to commit to seeking out effective ways to handle and offer a positive healthy source of support for your children. Committing to this will allow them to adjust to the divorce in a positive way, and in their own way as you lovingly guide them through the process.

TIPS  

  • If possible the news of the divorce should come from both Mom and Dad together as a family.  During this conversation stress the fact that even though family life is going to look very different, you will both continue to love them.
  • Tell the children that the divorce has nothing to do with anything that any of the children may have done or not done. Reassure them that they are not the cause of the divorce.
  • Children thrive on structure, especially during transition periods. Keep a daily routine with school, activities, and their regular everyday life. Keeping as much consistency as possible helps the children to feel more secure.
  • Having some kind of a plan of what life might now look like for them can be very beneficial. It is comforting for them to know where they will be going to school, where they will be sleeping, and how often they will see mom or dad. Nothing is permanent in this arrangement but offering them some sort of idea of how their lives will and won’t change will again help them to feel secure.  
  • Address your children’s concerns. Encourage them to talk, scream, cry or celebrate. Help them to feel safe in expressing their feelings.
  • Lastly make sure that they are told how much you both love them and how that will never change.

Studies show that children do best and have fewer long term emotional, social or academic problems, when parents can establish a healthy, respectful, co-parenting relationship. Transitioning into a new type of relationship and putting aside the hurt and anger that are associated with the broken marriage can be extremely difficult for many parents to accomplish. But through patience with each other and hard work it can be done. Divorce changes families but it does not end your commitment to your children. Make sure you take the time to find the solutions that work best for your family to ensure a positive outcome for you and your children.

**If you or your children are struggling to deal with the life transitions involved with divorce, seek out professional assistance for individual or family therapy. The therapist can assist in encouraging better communication, and helping all families member to properly heal and process the trauma of divorce.

 

Brandi Hess, MA, LAMFT

Brandi Hess has a passion for helping people to work through life’s difficulties, assisting them in finding joy, and the strength to reach their full potential. Brandi strives to ensure that she understands each of her clients’ unique needs. She provides therapy and counseling sessions tailored specifically to obtain her clients’ goals, in an individual or family setting. She offers a kind, honest, and straight-forward approach in therapy, allowing for trusting relationships to be built. She specializes in couples and family distress, pre/post-divorce, and adolescent treatment. One of Brandi’s many strengths is being able to connect with adolescents by creating a therapeutic environment where the adolescent feels safe and willing to start the process of change. Brandi works with a variety of concerns such as depression/anxiety, women’s issues, and trauma. Brandi received her Bachelors of Science in Human Development and Family Studies at the University of Utah, and her Master’s degree in Marriage & Family Therapy from Argosy University.

Life Insurance Myths & Misconceptions

Growing up, I would look through the newspaper to find the sports section, the funnies, and any other interesting articles I could find.  However, I always seemed to come across the obituaries.  I would stop and read them.  Most people seemed to live a great life: loving families, great jobs, and lots of extracurricular activities.  But, the thing that affected me the most was when at the end of the obituary, it would state something along the lines of, “in lieu of flowers please send money.”  Today it looks a little different.  There are no more newspaper obituaries, but instead online and social media declarations and announcements.  Yet, one thing looks the same; instead of “in lieu of…” it now states “gofundme” or tells where an account has been set up at a local bank.  The wording is different, but the intent is the same!  That is why I strongly believe we need to address the topic of Life Insurance Myths and Misconception.   

MYTHS

Life insurance is too expensive. 

“86% of Americans say they haven’t bought life insurance because it’s “too expensive,” yet they overestimate its true cost by more than 2X”. *   Believe it or not it’s not as expensive as you think.  It could be half as much as you think. 

Life insurance through my employer is enough. 

“33% of Americans say they don’t have enough life insurance, including one-fourth who already own a policy”.*  Some employers provide some life insurance for their employees; however, they normally offer 1 to 2 times your annual salary.  Most likely that number doesn’t include commissions, bonuses, and other income.   It is recommended that you have 8-12 times the annual income in life insurance coverage.  (You may want to use a calculator to determine specific need.)  Also, if you ever change jobs, get terminated, or retire, in most cases your life insurance coverage will not go with you.  Depending on age and health, it could be less expensive to purchase and own your own policy.  “Those with life insurance carry enough to replace their income for just 3.6 years.  How would their families get by after that?”*  

Stay-at-home parents don’t need it.  

“Imagine if something were to happen to the stay-at-home spouse in your family. The breadwinner may need to hire someone to clean and take care of the kids, and that can cost a lot of money. Unless your family would have that extra income to spare, you may need life insurance on both spouses,” advises Marvin Feldman, President and CEO of life insurance non-profit organization, Life Happens.   This also gives the remaining parent time to grieve, take care of kids, and take time off of work.   

I’m too old or too young for life insurance. 

 Life insurance provides for the needs of those left behind.  There are lots of different options for coverage no matter what stage of life you are in.  And, as long as there is a need there should be coverage in place.  Depending on age and health, different companies will provide different options.  Work with a professional to help you cover that need.   

“85% of Americans say most people need life insurance, yet only 62% have coverage.”* In fact, “3% say their cell phone is the most important, and 20% have cell phone insurance.”* Every person’s situation is unique and different.  Some need a lot of coverage and some may not need any at all.  But what I do know is that families need to be informed and educated on their options.  Each person needs a plan…and “gofundme” isn’t a plan.   

*LIMRA and LIFE Foundation 2013 Insurance Barometer Study (www.lifehappens.org